It boggles my mind, sometimes, how women (and men) have distorted views about their bodies. What many people fail to realize is that “healthy” takes on several different forms. I am in my last year at the university and this quarter, I have a class on gender, race, and class in the media. This course has been so interesting! The professor encourages thinking outside of the box. I find myself learning something new each session.

I had never really dissected advertisements the way we’ve been doing so. I know sex sells, but golly! I never realized how many ads that involve women present them in a way in which they are objectified and sexualized. The ad could have nothing to do with sex, as far as the product goes, but it’s there. For example, the Carl’s Jr. commercials. Need I say more? The women in these ads are usually rail-thin; no one is that small, not even the model. I’m sure I’m just beating a dead horse because this has been discussed throughout the years. And even though it’s been debated over and over, nothing has changed.

Women almost kill themselves to try to meet the media’s interpretation of beauty or a woman’s ideal weight. Super thin does not equate to being healthy. I’m not tiny, nor am I severely overweight and I’m happy with my overall image. I stand at 5’4 and 3/4 (the 3/4 is important!). My weight fluctuates between 120 lbs. and 130 lbs. At my smallest, I was 115 lbs. last year. And my absolute biggest I was 135 lbs. I found it interesting that I was just as happy at my smallest as I was at my heaviest. I have become comfortable with my body type because it’s just that: mine! Once one comes to the realization that everyone is built differently, they’ll truly be happy. Don’t let others dictate to you what you should aspire to look like.

(image source)

Everyone has been ushered into the Friend Zone at least once in their life. But some don’t understand why. First, let me break down what the Friend Zone is for those who don’t know. The Friend Zone is a figurative location in which someone you’re interested in places you because they “don’t look at you that way.” Now that we know what it is, let’s discuss what might get you sent there.

It seems that a man will receive a One-Way ticket to the abyss known as the Friend Zone before a woman. No one knows why but a few men have probably mused it’s because they are too much of a gentleman. Now, unless you’re dealing with skip scaps and scallywags, there is no such thing as being too much of a gentleman. In my humble opinion, the majority of people who eat at the Friend Zone table end up there by accident. I’ve sent a guy there because I didn’t know he was into me until waaaaay later. And by the time I found out, I no longer looked at him as a potential mate. You can avoid that by speaking up! If you’re interested in someone, let them know; the worst they can say is “no.” And you just keep it moving.

Don’t let him/her vent to you about their problems with the opposite sex. Once you let them turn you into a living diary, it’s a wrap. That woman will look at you like you’re her gay BFF and you’ll be sipping Malibu Pineapples with her while dictating her texts to another guy.

Another way to get hurled into the F.Z. is by doing something stupid. By doing something stupid, I mean playing games. Two people may genuinely like each other but one person may still want to “explore” their options and put the other person on the back burner, so to speak. That person is not going to wait on you to decide whether or not you want to move forward (at least I hope not). They may decide the F.Z. suits you better. Me, myself? I wouldn’t even want you there. Lol. You’re playing games?! To the Lion’s Pit you go!

I’ve seen some cases in which people have been extracted from the F.Z. You might get your freedom papers to exit. Try to keep hope alive! If not, just keep moving… It’s funny how some men really get shaken up by being drafted to the F.Z. They must not know the male to female ratio is like 1:10. Lol.

I know there are several things that influence the cost of fuel but give me a break! I could have sworn gas was just $4.19, last week and now, it’s averaging $4.37 in my area. HOW DID WE GO FROM $4.19 TO $4.37 IN A WEEK??! That’s insane I tell you! I fill up twice a week. I’m glad I don’t drive a luxury car at this point. My Mom does and she’s spending at least $80 each time she fills up. And I’m sure my Dad is feeling it in his 8-cylinder. I just want to drop in the middle of the street and yell “WHY??” Actually, I want to act a fool, like when Carlton thought Lisa killed Will, in the cabin, on “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air” and he drug himself across the set (see .gif below).

You know what I could do with the money I’m spending on gas each month? I could buy a round trip plane ticket to Chicago. I could also cater Popeye’s for lunch at my job, for 100 people. Man, that’s easily between 8 and 10 ounces of Virgin Indian hair. I just can’t deal with gas going up. If it gets anywhere near $5, I’m buying a bus pass and I’ll be writing letters to my friends explaining why I can’t make it to Lucky Strike to sip on Cadillac Margaritas and check out the hotties.

You’ll probably think I’m the worst neighbor but I don’t care. Let me tell you a story. Normally, I’m not a party pooper; I like having a good time as much as the next person but not if it’s going to cost me a good night’s rest. One night, in September or October of last year, my neighbors one street over had a party. I didn’t have a problem since I’m not usually asleep until about 1 a.m., anyway. I figured I’d watch a little Discovery ID until I was ready to go to bed. From what I remember, the party started early; around 8:30 or 9 p.m. I went upstairs to lay down and it seemed the music became louder the later it got. I laid down and told myself the party would die down soon, as it was approaching 12:30 a.m. So, I turned “Mrs. Doubtfire” on and tried to chill. 1 a.m. rolled by and I still heard my neighbors’ guests toasting to this and drinking to that over Swizz Beak’s “Money in the Bank”. I told myself, again, it should start fizzling soon. Guess what? It didn’t. And my window of getting EXACTLY six hours of sleep before work was starting to close. Then 1:45 .a.m. showed up. I’ve never done this before but I had to: I Googled the police department’s number. I sure did call and tell them where the party was. They told me they were sending a car over to check it out. Sure enough, twenty minutes later, that music wasn’t even audible and I swear everyone started whispering. That crap was too funny! I ended up with a little less than six hours of sleep but that was alright. I just wish I could have seen my neighbors’ faces when Mr. Law pulled up, LOL! Yeah, I snitched. But I justify my action with the fact I live in the suburbs; it’s supposed to be quiet here.

Photo Source

I was watching one of my favorite Youtubers, today. Her channel is beauty-based, mainly centered around hair care. And from time to time, she’ll throw up a video on whatever crosses her mind. In this particular video, she was discussing an instance when she walked into a restaurant and overheard two black women talking about her as she walked by. One of the women said that her hair was cute, to the other. And the second woman said that she thought her hair was a lace front. Then she asked why the women couldn’t speak to her. Why couldn’t the woman who liked her hair tell her? She also went on to say that she’s only noticed that type of behavior among black women. Of course not all black women exhibit this behavior but enough do to consider it an issue.

When I thought about it, there’s truth to what she said. I know most of you won’t believe it but if someone’s wearing something I like, or her hair/makeup/whatever looks cute, I’ll tell a woman. I don’t have a problem complimenting others. Compliments often ease the tension in the room. Sometimes paying someone a compliment will help others relax and feel a little more comfortable. I can’t stand when I’m at a function and it feels as if everyone is at odds.

I’m curious, though, why so many black women feel as if they’re in competition with each other. Some, that I’ve seen, even compete with people they call their friends. For what? I never understood the point of that.

If you like what someone has on, why not tell her it’s cute? Her makeup is on point? Let her know.  Complimenting someone doesn’t make you a fan/groupie. And it certainly doesn’t mean that person will think you’re interested in them.Leave all that in high school.

Time and time again, I hear men (mostly Black) complain about women who wear weaves.

“Weaves are hideous.”

“Weaves are false advertising.”

“If you ain’t growing hair on your own, I ain’t looking at you.”

Why so much hatred for the potentially cute head accessory? Well, what I’ve found is some men have had bad experiences with a woman who wore a weave. A friend of mine told me that he went to hug a woman he was dating (didn’t know she had a weave) and one of her tracks scratched his bare chest. He also claims he’d smelled something funny and later found out it was the glue. LMAO! And since then, he’s never dated a woman with faux locks. He said even if he sees a beautiful woman, if she has a weave, he disregards her.

You can’t let one bad apple ruin it for the entire bushel. That would be like me not being able to fit one particular pair of blue jeans and because of that I vow to never buy jeans. It’s silly. Don’t say you don’t like women with weaves, you just don’t like women with BAD weaves. There’s a difference, buddy. I’ve seen some pretty good weaves out there… very natural-looking. Weaves weren’t meant to be deceiving. They were meant to be enjoyable and easy. I enjoyed wearing a weave because it gave my hair a break from all the heat and natural elements. They also help some women’s hair grow because there’s less being done to it. With a weave, all you have to do is get up and go, for the most part. I don’t encourage tacky weaves, though; the ones that make people cringe and whisper when a woman walks past.

Signs of a Bad Weave:

• natural hair texture and weave texture are mismatched
• coloring is off
• you can clearly see where the natural hair stop and the weave begins
• loose tracks
• poor quality hair
• bad smell

Now, I’m no weave connoisseur but I know a few things about what looks good and what doesn’t. Moral of the story: don’t knock it because of a couple bad experiences. Embrace it. If a woman looks good, she looks good. Weave or no weave.

You know what? The word ‘ugly’ sounds mean. Let’s say her friends are aesthetically challenged. But let’s not discuss her (>.<)

Have you ever been in a situation where a guy/girl you’re trying to get to know wants to go out with friends, he/she asks if you have any and you say you’ll find someone? Then, you hope he/she doesn’t ask whether the friend is cute or not. It really doesn’t matter if he/she is or isn’t; that person doesn’t have to look at them. Plus, everyone’s taste differs. His/her definition of cute may not be the same as yours or their friend’s.

A friend of mine invited me out along with her other friend. He asked her if she had a friend she could bring and she said she would bring me. Then, she asked me for a picture to send him. Is that how the game goes down now? People are really screening tag-alongs? Lol. I thought it was too funny. And in the back of my head, I just knew his friend was going to be a train wreck but much to my surprise he was rather beautiful. That was pure happenstance. It usually doesn’t work that way.

Usually, one of the two parties invited is less attractive or strange, or both. Set ups are definitely not for me because I’m not one for surprises. I won’t complain at all, though. The times I was invited out with a friend and her friend, I acted as if I was having the time of my life. I wouldn’t dare poop on my friend’s party. My tag-a-long experience is pretty limited, though. I’ve only been out as an afterthought a handful of times.

Goodness! Someone save this child! Her eyebrows are all the way off the chain. SMH.

Some women need to chill with the Rose Art eyebrows. I may feel some type of way because I have naturally thick eyebrows and don’t have to draw mine on but it’s beginning to get ridiculous. If you live or have lived in LA at any point during the 1990′s/early 2000′s,  you know what the “Sharpie Eyebrow” is. If not, it’s when a woman shaves her eyebrows off and draws them on in what appears to be permanent marker. You can actually google “sharpie eyebrows” and see exactly what I’m talking about. It’s 2012 and chicks are walking around like there isn’t an abundance of tutorials on YouTube showing how to work your eyebrows.

Man, if I see another girl with the eternal look of surprise I think I’ll scream. The funny thing is that’s not the only look. Some girls draw them on too long (see: picture above) and have nerve to really think it’s cute. NO ONE’S EYEBROWS ARE 14 INCHES LONG!

Sometimes, I feel like wiping people’s eyebrows off. I might promote myself to the Eyebrow Guardian and regulate these walking disasters. I promise you, bogus eyebrows are behind the polar ice caps melting.

I’m power walking to class one day, right? But at the same time, I’m all into this conversation I’m having via text. All of a sudden, I hear someone say, “I’ve seen you around.” At first, I was going to pretend like I didn’t hear him—actually, I think I did—but he repeated it. I decide that I won’t be rude today.

I turn around and this guy approaches me. He asks where I’m going and I tell him class. I also include that I’m late so he can understand I’m not interested but this fool strikes up a full-blown conversation. I’m a fairly nice person so I don’t tell him straight up I don’t want to be bothered; I just let him talk. While he’s talking, I’m fidgeting and shifting my weight from one foot to the other, HOPING he’ll get the point. Fail.

After he tells me his life story, he asks for my number. Fortunately, I set up a Google Voice account last year so I give him that. The only problem is I haven’t set it up to forward the calls/texts from Google to my phone. And guys, nowadays, want to text you while they’re in front of you forcing you to give them the right number -___- I think I’m slick, too! But when he sends the text, I don’t get it; I blame it on not having service. He tells me it’s cool and to text him later. Fine.

So, since then, I’ve been laying low around school because I don’t want to run into him again and have him ask why I haven’t hit him back yet (I’ve had that happen before and it was low key embarrassing :-/ ).

The point of this story, is: 1) I should have told him I wasn’t interested; 2) Guys, PEOPLE, need to be observant of another person’s body language so as to figure out when to shut it down; and 3) Get a Google Voice account so weirdos aren’t running around with your real number.

As you guys probably know, I’m usually the last person to listen to music everyone else is hyped about. There isn’t a time I log on to Twitter and don’t see 2 Chainz lyrics make their way down my timeline. I’d heard of him under his other moniker some years ago but never listened to him. Then, I saw him in the Cipher last year… I think he looks like Big Gipp from Goodie Mob but I digress. I decided to take a listen and find out why everyone is always quoting this guy.

What I Learned:

1. His girlfriend does NOT have a stomach
2. He gets “dough” like Tae Kwon
3. He traps using his Android phone
4. He’s in love with an unemployed young lady named Kesha
5. Shonda had a Honda (??)
6. He enjoys fine leather goods from Gucci & Louis Vuitton